Highest Weight: 224 (after Jones)
My starting weight: 185
Current Weight: 177
Months loss: 8 pounds
Total Loss: 47 pounds
I've had my second child. I battled with postpartum depression again and I am still battling with sleep deprivation which leads to multiple issues. I feel really weak. I almost feel my will is not my own when my child starts to scream and I have no idea how to soothe my nerves, but, "man, do I deserve some comfort food"...which is the wrong mindset. I need to escape from my escape of food because it's not safe. I'm overweight, pre diabetic...(I'm guessing since I had gestational diabetes again I am a high risk) and I'm not happy. I look in the mirror and feel alright, I still like having my picture taken, but I don't feel like me. My body is really weirdly shaped and maybe that's just from after having two children, but I'm not going around telling people I have baby weight. No, at this point I'm just a big girl. Slim thick. haha. That's what I tell myself when I want to feel better. Or I imagine myself as one of those beautiful soft women in Greek paintings.
I have been gaining and losing weight for a while now. When I stepped on the scale at the beginning of October I was 185. That's what I weighed before I was pregnant with Jonah. My lowest after Jonah was 169 though and I've been beating myself up for giving up and not trying.
I don't care enough. I've been big for a while now. I don't think I've been below 160 since my wedding day back in 2012. In fact, I don't even know how much I weighed on my wedding day because I was just happy. I knew I had gained weight though so I definitely avoided scales! I weighed myself 6 months after being married and weighed 185. I cried. I lost 10 pounds in one week and then found out I was pregnant with Eli and ate for two...which now I know is something I definitely didn't need to do. haha
Sorry if my thoughts run on or scattered. This is like a therapy for me and like my little journal to let out a lot of toxic feelings and thoughts.
Also, I won free botox at the end of this month so it's giving me this extra push to come to a place where I take care of myself and stop letting myself (my body and my soul) slowly slip away. This is going to be not only a physical journey but also an emotional journey because I know I can't succeed unless I change my thought patterns.
I'll keep you updated on botox (haha, actually very nervous for this) and what has been working for me.
For this month my husband and I bought an elliptical off of facebook marketplace for $40 and I've been doing an hour of interval training on it every morning. I've also been intermittent fasting with eating hours being from noon to seven. I've been trying to calorie count, and not to binge eat...but haven't been doing very good on either of those this month. PS look at that sweat! I love exercising in the comfort of my home. I can let out all the sweat and not be afraid of looking nasty or being judged hahaha
